So I’m Married Now

Ok, so now I have successfully proven it is possible to plan a wedding that doesn’t suck in less than 2 months. The secret? You have to really not care. Just let the whole event wash over you in a warm wave of stress and anger and time-crunching madness.

I didn't bother getting anyone's permission for this photo. That's totes ok, right?

Two nights before the wedding was the bachelor party, where the Best Assbasket decided he didn’t want to be a part of the wedding and announced this via text. But he didn’t text R, because that would require at least a half ball, no, he texted a groomsman, to tell R that he had dropped out. So, not really off to a great start.

(Hey, Flowers, you’re a worthless piece of shit. We all hate you.)

The day before was my bachelorette party, which was non-dramatic.

(Still hate you Flowers)

Ok, Wedding day. The girls sleep over at my mom’s, the guys at my home. I wake up at 6:30 to start getting ready, do my makeup, and a few ladies from his family come over to do my hair, and we get there right on time for my wedding! Whoo! Except for the part where no one was there yet, and we started half an hour late. I was ready to leave by the time the wedding started.

When we start everyone walks down the aisle, but I’m hanging back with my dad, so I don’t see any of it. Boooooo. I walked down with both my mom and dad, because who the hell is going to say no to me?

And then I get to R. And I just want to get to the part where we kiss so I can be married and take off my shoes. The reception afterwards was cool. We came back home afterwards, and I pulled 50 bobby pins out of my head.

And that’s my wedding day. I’m not going to wax on about how I gazed deeply into R’s eyes during the ceremony and the food was so good (it was) and how my dress was perfect and everyone and everything was sunshine and lollipops, because that’s boring and a load of crap. My wedding wasn’t a dream wedding, and it wasn’t perfect, but at the end of the day, I kissed a hot guy and I get to spend a whole lot of time with my bestest best friend forever.

And you know what? The haters can suck on cat litter. My wedding was awesome. ❤

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